Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
