I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
