I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
