I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
