i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
