Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
