i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
