Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
