My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
