i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
