Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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