is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
