I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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