You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
