I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
