dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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