If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
