were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
