I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
