I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
