i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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