hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
