last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
