Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize