the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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