Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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