One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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