So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
