I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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