Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
