i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
