I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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