I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
