Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize