Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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