So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
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You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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