I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
