i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
