But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
