Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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