Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
