I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
