the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
