I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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