My first STD was from a foam party
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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