Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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