I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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