I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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