Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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