By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
