I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she pinky promised me she was 18
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
