one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
