Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
