He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
