it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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