If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
