My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
