Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize