my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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