i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
