My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Boobs are out for the taking
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
