He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
