Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
