Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
