Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
