lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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