She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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