He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
