We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
