In the future we'll all be gay
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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