I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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