my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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