and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
