Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
